Negotiated Brief - 'Lets have some fun this beat is sick'

Lady Gaga - Lovegames
'Lets have some fun this beat is sick,
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick'

Below are the first set of mock ups that I did for this particular lyric, if I would have developed them more I would have hand drawn it all and make the first part look like kind of 3D...like it was coming off the page, and 'Sick' would have been more decorative and emphasized.

In my initial ideas I had the idea to make a typeface out of vinyl records, so I used it for this lyric...






Below is the final composition that I chose to print.


Now that I have printed it, this is probably my Least favourite as I don't think its totally readable. As I had worked on it alone and knew exactly what it said etc. I thought all the letters were obvious but when I printed A2...and left it for a while, then showed some people...it came to my attention that the 'B' on beat isn't really obvious that its a B so most people could read the majority of it but said 'Lets have some fun this something? is sick'
So, if I would have left myself more time...this is something I would address and do again.